Tuesday, February 4, 2014

FEAR AND LETTING GO

Some years ago, while on vacation with my husband in Key West, I had an amazing experience with fear and letting go.  We were there to celebrate my college graduation after many years of school – I was 46 when I graduated. 

I fell in love with Key West.  It is loose, free and beautiful.  I can’t tell you how many people we spoke with who said they went for vacation and never left.  Some left big careers behind while others just dropped out to pursue a beach bum lifestyle.  One man told us that he literally did not go back to pack up his life in New York.  He had everything shipped and never looked back.  We met many homeless people - some by choice, and those that chose to live on the fringe; simple and uncomplicated.  All in all, most seemed content. It’s a different vibe altogether; one of nature, art, freedom, ease, bliss and relaxation. At least on the surface.

Anyway, Tim and I had a number of different things we wanted to do and explore in addition to beaches, bars and shops.  For example, I wanted to visit the Hemingway house and he wanted to rent scooters to tour the island (we had a rental car).  I wanted to snorkel in the ocean and he wanted to take a ride in an open cockpit biplane.

We’ve snorkeled before, in a beautiful lagoon in Xel Ha Mexico.  We loved it.  But Tim didn’t relish the idea of snorkeling in the ocean by a reef…sharks and all.  In fact, he didn’t “think it was wise.”  He did, however, think flying around over the ocean and island in a tiny biplane with an open cockpit that seats 3 people, one being the pilot - a stunt pilot no less, was a super fun idea. I, on the other hand, not so much.  But we struck a deal:  Tim would snorkel with me in the ocean and I would fly in the open cockpit biplane with him. 

The snorkeling trip didn’t work out so well.  The ocean was rough that day so the boat captain would not go out to the reef as planned.  He took us out to an area that he deemed safe and we snorkeled.  But there was no coral reef, no beautiful fish - just lots of seaweed and waves.  I was disappointed to say the least.  

The next day was our biplane trip.  I cannot tell you how frightened I was to go up in that plane.  I was imagining all sorts of terrible things happening.  As we drove to the airfield I could feel terror building inside and for once in my life I was speechless.  I really wanted to back out.  We arrived at the airfield office, paid for our trip and waited for the pilot.  Tim was in seventh heaven looking at the pictures on the wall of the plane and talking about the flight.  I was hoping our family would put together a tasteful but not too expensive funeral for us.  

Then something peculiar happened.  The pilot arrived and took us out to the plane.  As he helped us get strapped in – Tim and I in the front and he in the back with the control panel, I relaxed…completely.  All of the tension in my body melted and my mind emptied.  I think at that moment I realized that whatever happened was out of my control at that point so I let go.  It doesn’t sound like much but it is a moment in time that I’ll never forget.  I surrendered my fears completely.   That flight was spectacular.  We flew for about 45 minutes, soaring above Key West and the Atlantic / Gulf of Mexico.  The pilot was a famous stunt pilot and we swirled and dipped low over the coral reef where I’d hoped to snorkel (he pointed out nurse sharks swimming in the area).  And there was NO FEAR.  It was one of the most wonderful and freeing experiences I’ve had.

I have never forgotten that experience and have had it again on smaller scales occasionally.  When I’m afraid, I go back to that moment of surrender in the biplane at Key West.  And I remind myself that control is just an illusion anyway.  It’s so much better just to let go and enjoy the ride.  

Sunday, July 14, 2013

STRANGE FRUIT, INDEED

Last night the jury in the Trayvon Martin case issued a verdict of "not guilty" for George Zimmerman.  This is in Florida, the same state where, in this past year, a black woman was sentenced to 20 years in prison for firing warning shots from her legally registered gun to avoid a beating from her estranged husband against whom she had a protection order (PPO).  His attacks against her are documented.  She did not kill or injure him in any way.

I don't feel, in any way, qualified to write about this travesty of justice. Instead, I have posted a few comments from Facebook friends that really hit home to me.  

"How far have we come since Emmett Till?  Since Oscar Grant?  I tried to avoid the TV coverage of the trial because it was so painful, but each glance revealed the terrible moves by the prosecution and the demagoguery of the defense, and I felt the verdict to acquit was inevitable because of incompetence, because of America's history.  Just imagine if it were a black man accosting a young white man what the verdict would be.  Strange fruit, indeed."  ~Hilton Obenzinger

"I have a 17 year old Aquarius black son who carries a 3.7 GPA and loves hoodies, Skittles and Arizona ice tea.  If you know my son, you know these facts about him.

Every single time he has left the house, for at least 7 years, I have had the speech with him about taking his hands out of his pockets in the store, unzipping his jacket, pulling his hoodie off of his head, making eye contact, but not staring... He never understood why I was so protective and why he had to be drilled so much.

Unfortunately, today he understands."  ~Tawana Petty

"Only in America can a dead black boy go on trial for his own murder."  ~Syreeta McFadden

The grief is Trayvon's family's.  The collective shame as a country is ours.