Some
years ago, while on vacation with my husband in Key West, I had an amazing
experience with fear and letting go. We
were there to celebrate my college graduation after many years of school – I was
46 when I graduated.
I fell
in love with Key West. It is loose, free
and beautiful. I can’t tell you how many
people we spoke with who said they went for vacation and never left. Some left big careers behind while others just dropped out to pursue a beach bum lifestyle. One man told us that he literally did not go
back to pack up his life in New York. He
had everything shipped and never looked back. We met many homeless people - some by choice, and those that chose to live on the fringe; simple and uncomplicated. All in all, most seemed content. It’s a different vibe altogether; one of nature, art,
freedom, ease, bliss and relaxation. At least on the surface.
Anyway, Tim
and I had a number of different things we wanted to do and explore in addition
to beaches, bars and shops. For example, I wanted to visit
the Hemingway house and he wanted to rent scooters to tour the island (we had a
rental car). I wanted to snorkel in the
ocean and he wanted to take a ride in an open cockpit biplane.
We’ve
snorkeled before, in a beautiful lagoon in Xel Ha Mexico. We loved it.
But Tim didn’t relish the idea of snorkeling in the ocean by a reef…sharks
and all. In fact, he didn’t “think it
was wise.” He did, however, think flying around
over the ocean and island in a tiny biplane with an open cockpit that seats 3
people, one being the pilot - a stunt pilot no less, was a super fun idea. I, on the other hand, not so much. But we struck a deal: Tim would snorkel with me in the ocean and I
would fly in the open cockpit biplane with him.
The
snorkeling trip didn’t work out so well.
The ocean was rough that day so the boat captain would not go out to the
reef as planned. He took us out to an
area that he deemed safe and we snorkeled.
But there was no coral reef, no beautiful fish - just lots of seaweed
and waves. I was disappointed to say the
least.
The next
day was our biplane trip. I cannot tell
you how frightened I was to go up in that plane. I was imagining all sorts of terrible things
happening. As we drove to the airfield I
could feel terror building inside and for once in my life I was speechless. I really wanted to back out. We arrived at the airfield office, paid for
our trip and waited for the pilot. Tim was
in seventh heaven looking at the pictures on the wall of the plane and talking
about the flight. I was hoping our
family would put together a tasteful but not too expensive funeral for us.
Then
something peculiar happened. The pilot
arrived and took us out to the plane. As
he helped us get strapped in – Tim and I in the front and he in the back with
the control panel, I relaxed…completely.
All of the tension in my body melted and my mind emptied. I think at that moment I realized that whatever happened was
out of my control at that point so I let go.
It doesn’t sound like much but it is a moment in time that I’ll never
forget. I surrendered my fears
completely. That flight was
spectacular. We flew for about 45
minutes, soaring above Key West and the Atlantic / Gulf of Mexico. The pilot was a famous stunt pilot and we
swirled and dipped low over the coral reef where I’d hoped to snorkel (he
pointed out nurse sharks swimming in the area). And there was NO FEAR. It was one of the most wonderful and freeing experiences I’ve had.
I have
never forgotten that experience and have had it again on smaller scales
occasionally. When I’m afraid, I go back
to that moment of surrender in the biplane at Key West. And I remind myself that control is just an illusion
anyway. It’s so much better just to let
go and enjoy the ride.
