I just came back from a walk at the beach. It’s a beautiful day; sunny, blue sky, a few billowy clouds, low fifties, very windy, and the tide was coming in – some of my very favorite walking conditions. I started walking regularly last spring with the intentions of eventually running. I ran when I was younger and loved it but gave it up years ago. Over the summer I hurt my knee a few times trying to run, mostly because I have a little too much weight on me to put that kind of pressure on my knees. So, here I am again, trying to talk myself into a regular walking routine after work, with hopes of turning it in to a running routine eventually. Turns out it’s actually quite the struggle just getting myself to walk every day. But today, I decided to walk at the metro park beach near our home. I pretty much had the beach to myself – surprising really. And invigorating, and exhilarating, and oh my – I don’t have words to describe it. I had my Mp3 player on, listening to a mix of favorites. I was so alone there that I could actually sing and do a few little dance steps while I walked. What a rush! I walked about three miles. I sang, I laughed, I smiled at the sky and the birds and the water and the sun and God. I said thank you a whole bunch of times. It was awesome and in stark contrast to my mood when I came home from work today.
I felt free. I don’t know how long it has been since the last time I really experienced that feeling but it must have been a long time ago because it was foreign, and yet kind of familiar and it was good. I’m not even sure what I mean by free. It's not like I'm talking about slavery vs. freedom or religious oppression vs. freedom or anything huge like that. It's freedom in a personal sense - a feeling that I remember, maybe from my youth but it was long ago and far away. It was delicious and I want more. So, when I got home, I researched freedom, trying to tie it to something tangible, real, something I can describe.
The French philosopher, Jean-Jacques Rousseau said, “Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains.” The funny thing is, that it seems that one may not miss freedom until one experiences it after a long period of chains. So my mission, if I choose to accept it (wry smile) is to find out what freedom is; what that feeling is and how I can get it in everyday life. Can I?
Will it require giving up my job, or my home which keeps me tied to my job? Then I'd be free to live under the bridge... Shall I take off on an irresponsible trip to wherever my heart leads – perhaps become a modern day hobo. I'd miss my blow dryer and AC. Maybe pull away from family relationships that tie me down? That won't work...I'm kind of hooked on the fam. The possibilities are endless.
According to Wikipedia, freedom can also mean “inner autonomy or mastery over one’s inner condition.” Ah...sounds a bit more like it. And, a lot more work. What exactly is my “inner condition?” Yeah, loaded question and not for this post. Let’s just say it involves less sugar, less wine, less of lots of other things and more of many others. Still, that doesn’t explain that familiar long lost exhilaration I felt today that I equated with freedom.
Perhaps freedom, at least that fleeting and exhilarating sense of it, is an illusion meant only for small interludes of sanity in an insane and constantly moving world. Or, maybe it is something personal that means something different to each soul.
I've noticed that when I blog, I always try to come to a resolution at the end of the post. I don't have one today. But that's okay. I'll keep looking to recreate that glorius feeling more often. See you at the beach!
