I recently had a phone conversation with an old friend - one with whom I have had very infrequent contact over the past many years. Although our conversation was brief, I discovered that he was experiencing some unpleasant life circumstances. While we didn’t get into much detail, I did express my concern and hopes for a positive outcome for him. His response was brief and to the point. He said that he “couldn’t change after all these years.”
I haven't been able to get that statement out of my head. I realize that overall, we are creatures of habit. We have our comfort zones and often loathe the thought of stepping outside of them. Sometimes, that’s me. But I think most often, I invite change. I’ve been changing most of my life. In fact, over the last decade or more, I’ve come to regard change as something that is essential to me. I’ve always liked sticking my toe outside of the circle and it seems the older I get, the more I’m inclined to do so. Sometimes it’s a toe; other times a foot, and on some occasions, a full body jump. Perhaps it’s my bid to stay young and relevant, at least in my own mind. Or maybe it’s a survival technique or just my nature - I’ve always been a bit of a rebel.
Still, I wonder what causes us to lose our flexibility and become stiff, dry and afraid; closed to new ideas and fearfully fighting to preserve what we have become comfortable with, regardless of truth or consequences. My initial guess is the f word - FEAR. When you’re young - well at least, when I was young, I didn’t really know the meaning of fear. I was naïve, stupid and pretty certain I was invincible. It was either dumb luck, the grace of God, or both that I survived. As I matured, I settled down a little, but never found my niche.
It seems that the older we get, the more we need absolutes – things we can count on and believe in. And God help anyone who tries to shift our paradigm. I recognize that in myself occasionally and when I do, I resist it. I don’t want to get stuck in the quicksand of old age that can’t see past what has already been established and holds it in a death grip. I saw it happen to my mother and step-dad as they aged and I made a mental note to do everything in my power to remain flexible. In fact, sometimes they would make statements like; "call these the golden years? What a crock!" in their old persons voices. Sometimes I hear that voice developing in me. I put on the brakes.
Our world doesn’t make it easy to keep the fresh idealism of youth, but the truth is that the universe and everything in it is in a constant state of change. And so are we - from birth to death, whether we want to be or not. Conceivably, that is why humans, especially as they age, hang on so tight to the paradigms they have embraced. It gives them a sense of control. But it's an illusion. There is no freedom in it because it is actually just fear.
These days my tendency toward change is more mature and viable and I’m pretty comfortable with it. I’ve been experiencing an inner revolution in my search for truth and I like it. I think embracing change, seeking truth and being ready to acknowledge that which is unorthodox is the answer to keeping the mind and outlook fresh and ushering true peace into our lives.
Anyway, I think about what my friend said and hope that his eyes and heart open. If something isn’t working and we want it to work, we have to change our approach within and without – to revolutionize our thinking and commit to change whenever and in whatever way necessary. It’s natural and much better than the alternative.
Anyone can create change.
"I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence,
and so the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same.
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations.
They're quite aware
of what they're going through."
~David Bowie - "Changes"
