Disillusion and evolution; According to Merriam-Webster, disillusion is "the condition of being disenchanted." Evolution is "a process of continuous change, from a lower, simpler, or worse, to a higher, more complex or better state." The words have two separate meanings and yet, I’m finding there is a fine line between them that not only separates them, but makes them kissing cousins as well. Let me explain.
I spent ten years of my life between my early 20’s and early 30’s in the grips of fundamental Christianity, or, in the words of one of my old professors," the darkest regions of fundamentalism." Then, I spent another ten years, at least, trying to deprogram myself from it. Yep, this is one of my nine lives – I’m thinking somewhere around life number 4.
I got "saved" around the age of 22 years old. As I've mentioned in prior posts, I was brought up Catholic and had rebel tendencies so, if you know anything about fundamental Christianity you have to wonder how I lasted 10 years - an oil and water kind of thing.
Anyway, at the time, I was mom to two very small children and in a marriage that was failing. From a small home bible study I was introduced to salvation with huge helpings of the bible, which of course, I, being Catholic, had never really read. What's more, I learned that the bible is to be taken literally - all of it. What? Adam and Eve? Like for real? I'd never really thought about it. Jesus coming back on a white horse? The rapture? I'd never even heard of those things. It was overwhelming and at first I rejected these notions, but something - a need to bond with my new peers or a need to just find something to believe in took over. Well...that and my best friend was involved and I had to keep an eye on her. Don’t get me wrong, the people were nice and all, and I still keep in touch with a few of them. We were all very young and looking for something - the blind leading the blind so to speak.
Interestingly enough, all of this newfound knowledge had me quite angry at the Catholic Church and I was pretty vocal about it. I felt they had deceived me and kept the truth of the bible from me. They were keeping me back from all of God's blessings, like healing, prosperity, authority over the devil, raising the dead, casting out demons, and my rightful place in the kingdom of God. I mean, how many people went to hell that I could have warned! How many that I loved were in danger of eternal damnation? Well, I warned my mother and let's just say that went over like a lead balloon and she informed me, “you were born a Catholic and you’ll die a Catholic!” Case closed.
The church I was attending was run by three young pastors. They were very young with nothing more than high school educations. They had no professional training, but were passionate, extremely zealous, and lots of fun. It was a small non-denominational church filled with people and families my age. What could be better?
The church was what is known as "spirit filled." The laying on of hands for healing of all sorts, speaking in tongues, prophesy and words of knowledge were regular and expected occurrences. The music was contemporary worship music with a full band of which I was a part. I had a great time there in the beginning. I discovered a talent for singing that I developed over time and I made a lot of good friends. But something else happened. I stopped asking questions and I began to distrust my own instincts. I lost myself.
To make matters worse, the eutopian environment began to erode. Over time, the unchurch became an establishment of its own creation. Dogma was instituted only it was of their own making with bits and pieces culled from other ministries. I got divorced during that time and although they were more forgiving than the Catholic church, attitudes of some people changed. It was weird.
So, here's the thing: Have you ever thought about the concept of hell? A place where justice is meted out by a supreme being (God). The residents of hell, according to the Christian religion, burn and suffer torment for eternity for a variety of reasons, large, small and in between. You're looking at anything from murder to your garden variety sins, like coveting your neighbors, wife, husband or barbecue grill; to lying, cheating, gossiping, etc. But the even bigger problem is if a person does not accept Jesus as their personal savior. Ya, those people are on the fast track to the "lake of fire that burns forever," and it doesn't matter how good they are - they're toast. Good Buddhists? Bye bye. Same for Hindus, atheists, Krishnas and pretty much anyone who is not a born again Christian. So, consider this: This salvation theory excludes every religion that does not recognize Jesus Christ as the son of God, and, if your a fundamentalist Christian, even some that do. So, the God that created the entire vast universe, comes up with a plan to save mankind that is so narrow, that it is a sure thing that hell will be packed. One way - turn or burn baby. The concept sounds all too human to me - the brainchild of man. Not the creator of the universe. That makes Him/Her kind of petty, no?
That is just one of many beliefs and teaching that began to eat away at my core. And God, there were so many! Like their belief that it was God's will to heal all the time. When people died from illness as they inevitably did, we were give assorted reasons for the disappointing outcome. Reasons such as lack of faith and things like that - all pointing the finger of guilt back to you / to us. So, you were always guilty. Always failing. A dull, constant form of spiritual abuse that came from our leaders. For me, God became an insatiable black hole that could never be satisfied. I started to resent him - disillusion. The questions in my head became so insistent, I started saying them out loud. Take it from me - if you want some excitement, just try that in a fundamental church. I eventually left the church with my children.
It took quite a while to get over that 10 year experience - at least 10 more years. But I found myself again and I found God, the universe, the supreme being - that we are all, and I mean everyone, connected with - evolution.
I think that God / the universe, has the capacity to reach us wherever we are and that there are many paths to God. I don't know what his name is and I don't think it matters.. I think God is for everyone in whatever way we can find him. And that's okay. What's not okay is the insanity of to putting God/ the universe in a little box to claim it for yourself or your little group alone.
I spent ten years of my life between my early 20’s and early 30’s in the grips of fundamental Christianity, or, in the words of one of my old professors," the darkest regions of fundamentalism." Then, I spent another ten years, at least, trying to deprogram myself from it. Yep, this is one of my nine lives – I’m thinking somewhere around life number 4.
I got "saved" around the age of 22 years old. As I've mentioned in prior posts, I was brought up Catholic and had rebel tendencies so, if you know anything about fundamental Christianity you have to wonder how I lasted 10 years - an oil and water kind of thing.
Anyway, at the time, I was mom to two very small children and in a marriage that was failing. From a small home bible study I was introduced to salvation with huge helpings of the bible, which of course, I, being Catholic, had never really read. What's more, I learned that the bible is to be taken literally - all of it. What? Adam and Eve? Like for real? I'd never really thought about it. Jesus coming back on a white horse? The rapture? I'd never even heard of those things. It was overwhelming and at first I rejected these notions, but something - a need to bond with my new peers or a need to just find something to believe in took over. Well...that and my best friend was involved and I had to keep an eye on her. Don’t get me wrong, the people were nice and all, and I still keep in touch with a few of them. We were all very young and looking for something - the blind leading the blind so to speak.
Interestingly enough, all of this newfound knowledge had me quite angry at the Catholic Church and I was pretty vocal about it. I felt they had deceived me and kept the truth of the bible from me. They were keeping me back from all of God's blessings, like healing, prosperity, authority over the devil, raising the dead, casting out demons, and my rightful place in the kingdom of God. I mean, how many people went to hell that I could have warned! How many that I loved were in danger of eternal damnation? Well, I warned my mother and let's just say that went over like a lead balloon and she informed me, “you were born a Catholic and you’ll die a Catholic!” Case closed.
The church I was attending was run by three young pastors. They were very young with nothing more than high school educations. They had no professional training, but were passionate, extremely zealous, and lots of fun. It was a small non-denominational church filled with people and families my age. What could be better?
The church was what is known as "spirit filled." The laying on of hands for healing of all sorts, speaking in tongues, prophesy and words of knowledge were regular and expected occurrences. The music was contemporary worship music with a full band of which I was a part. I had a great time there in the beginning. I discovered a talent for singing that I developed over time and I made a lot of good friends. But something else happened. I stopped asking questions and I began to distrust my own instincts. I lost myself.
To make matters worse, the eutopian environment began to erode. Over time, the unchurch became an establishment of its own creation. Dogma was instituted only it was of their own making with bits and pieces culled from other ministries. I got divorced during that time and although they were more forgiving than the Catholic church, attitudes of some people changed. It was weird.
So, here's the thing: Have you ever thought about the concept of hell? A place where justice is meted out by a supreme being (God). The residents of hell, according to the Christian religion, burn and suffer torment for eternity for a variety of reasons, large, small and in between. You're looking at anything from murder to your garden variety sins, like coveting your neighbors, wife, husband or barbecue grill; to lying, cheating, gossiping, etc. But the even bigger problem is if a person does not accept Jesus as their personal savior. Ya, those people are on the fast track to the "lake of fire that burns forever," and it doesn't matter how good they are - they're toast. Good Buddhists? Bye bye. Same for Hindus, atheists, Krishnas and pretty much anyone who is not a born again Christian. So, consider this: This salvation theory excludes every religion that does not recognize Jesus Christ as the son of God, and, if your a fundamentalist Christian, even some that do. So, the God that created the entire vast universe, comes up with a plan to save mankind that is so narrow, that it is a sure thing that hell will be packed. One way - turn or burn baby. The concept sounds all too human to me - the brainchild of man. Not the creator of the universe. That makes Him/Her kind of petty, no?
That is just one of many beliefs and teaching that began to eat away at my core. And God, there were so many! Like their belief that it was God's will to heal all the time. When people died from illness as they inevitably did, we were give assorted reasons for the disappointing outcome. Reasons such as lack of faith and things like that - all pointing the finger of guilt back to you / to us. So, you were always guilty. Always failing. A dull, constant form of spiritual abuse that came from our leaders. For me, God became an insatiable black hole that could never be satisfied. I started to resent him - disillusion. The questions in my head became so insistent, I started saying them out loud. Take it from me - if you want some excitement, just try that in a fundamental church. I eventually left the church with my children.
It took quite a while to get over that 10 year experience - at least 10 more years. But I found myself again and I found God, the universe, the supreme being - that we are all, and I mean everyone, connected with - evolution.
I think that God / the universe, has the capacity to reach us wherever we are and that there are many paths to God. I don't know what his name is and I don't think it matters.. I think God is for everyone in whatever way we can find him. And that's okay. What's not okay is the insanity of to putting God/ the universe in a little box to claim it for yourself or your little group alone.
