CRITICAL MASS

I'm tired of critical people.

You know the ones.

They disapprove of your lifestyle,

spiritual choices or seeming lack thereof,

political tendencies

and maybe even the way you speak, act and look.

If they don't agree with you,
they tune you out
then talk about you behind your back.
Anything you do
and any change you make in your life
is suspect in their eyes.

They don't understand you and make no attempt to try.
You're wierd, deceived
phony, crazy, angry or bitchy.
You're not enough of this and you're too much of that
and they let you know you've become unacceptable
in subtle and passive aggresive ways,
all the while wearing their bright white facades.

I'm tired of critical people -
Those with whom I'm unable to be myself.
Those who for a moment cause me to doubt myself
and seeing myself through their eyes,
believe I'm unacceptable.

I'm tired of critical people
who claim to have all of the truth
tied in a neat package with a bow,
who don't need to know even one more thing -
so complete is their truth.
Who stand in judgement of every one
with whom they disagree;
Who cannot sacrifice themselves
for a bit of kindness for an idea, thought or person
that is different from them.

I'm tired of critical people
who cannot open their eyes, hearts or minds.
Who can't concieve of things being different
than what they see right now.
Who can't accept those that are different
in any way from what they consider the norm.

I'm tired of critical people
whose critical natures are self-sustaining
and perpetrate more and more negative energy
among themselves and their kind.

I'm tired of allowing critical people

inside my head...

to make me critical

of myself and of them.

SLEEP STUDY, WHAT?

I'm going for a sleep study tonight.  That's where someone I do not not know studies me -  sleeping...kind of.

It's my second one.  I had my first one about six years ago.  At the time, I was constantly exhausted.  I couldn't drive in the car for more than half an hour without feeling like dozing.  My eyelids were a light purple color - very attractive. 

My husband had noticed my sleep apnea long ago.  He said that sometimes I would quit breathing for close to a minute which of course alarmed him to no end.  Finally, when I got sick of being tired and tired of listening to him and my doctor go on about my sleep issues, I agreed to go for the study. 

It was weird.  They hook you up all over the place.  I mean your head, face, arms, legs and chest.  Then, about the time you feel really uncomfortable, they tell you you can go to sleep when you're ready. 

Ready?.....I have wires all over me stuck to my body with sticky goop that will probably never come off.  A complete  and total stranger is sitting in another room monitoring my snoring and sputtering and eyelid movement the entire night.  Sure, no problem.  You bet! I can sleep.  And I did...sort of.  I was told in the morning that my sleep was disturbed 341 times in a six-hour period. 

Holy Toledo!  No wonder I was so tired.  So they fix you up with a C-pap - a machine that forces air into your nose and prevents the soft tissue in your throat from closing.  And it works!  It has done wonders for me. 

So, that's what I'm doing tonight.  I guess you're supposed to have the study redone every two years or so in case the air pressure in your C-pap needs to be adjusted. Or, if you really need a night of discomfort and self-consciousness.  And really, who doesn't?   

Truthfully, I will say that if you have sleep apnea, do something about it.  Because it's dangerous for one thing.  And you'll realize that you felt like shit for years without even knowing it.  And then you'll feel so much better you'll be like "wow, how did I function before C-pap?" 

My evening of torture begins at 8:00 pm.  I'll be outa there by 5:30 am.  Piece of cake!