There’s
this thing I do. I do it when I’m
stressed or when I feel crappy about myself.
Sometimes I do it when life seems unmanageable. I used to do it when I had PMS. I don’t do it every day – I’d be bald. But it happens. It’s almost always a symptom of something out
of kilter in my universe.
I cut my
hair. What I
know about cutting hair you could stick in your eye. I can say with certainty that scissors are involved.
I
started snipping my hair as a teenager.
I was in the early stages of flying my freak flag and gave my crowning
glory a Rod Stewart shag (his Small Faces – pre lounge lizard days), short and spiked on the top and long on the sides and bottom - an abstract not quite mullet, done entirely by yours truly. Awesome!
But not. I have curly hair which, at that time, was the bane of my 16 year old existence, and I had no blow dryer in those days. So I bought a product called Dippety Do to smear on the spikes, then pinned them down until they dried so they would stand up all nice and straight and spiky as
opposed to the poodle look that ensued without it.
I don’t
have any pictures of that style, THANK GOD!
Because I remember it and although to my demented teenage mind it looked
pretty cool, I’m sure adults looking at it felt much like I do these days when
seeing young dudes with their pants hanging down past their crotch displaying
their boxers and walking like there’s a stick up their ass.
For
sure, I know my mom hated it….she didn’t hesitate to let me know. But no mind... she hated other cool stuff
too, like my bell bottom hip hugger jeans that were intentionally so long they
dragged on the ground becoming ripped,
dirty and frayed along the bottom (that's what made them cool). Or,
the seal skin coat I purchased at a thrift shop that had bald patches all over
it. These were, in my eyes, the bomb!
Control
When
you’re a teenager, and starting to find out who you are, everything revolves
around controlling your image – even if you don’t know what that image is yet. And it’s hard to do because you’re kind of
dumb and naïve and in most cases, the best you can hope for is to navigate the
shark tank and keep your legs. Because it is
truly a jungle out there for that age group.
The truth is that while I cut my hair as a teenager for reasons that are very different from why I do so today, the common denominator is the same. It’s all about control. Today, the image and angst of my teen years
is replaced with feelings about my self-image and self-worth. It’s about disappointment and the presentiment
that time and opportunity are somehow slipping through my fingers and I can’t grasp them. So, I feel helpless and
out of control. I look in the mirror and
I don’t like what I see in that moment so I grab the scissors and snip a little here and a little
there. And for a few minutes I feel that
some little part of my life is being steered by me, again – for better or
worse.
I hadn't done any impulsive hair cutting in quite some time - a few years actually. But in the last few months I've gone through a rough patch and lopped off actual inches - a few times. Thankfully, curly hair has turned out to be my friend. Turns out that it can cover a multitude of hair cutting sins.
I understand that control is mostly an illusion and that how we respond to challenges and obstacles in our days make all the difference in our outlook. This is something I know from years of experience. Yet now and then, in weak moments,I let go of letting go, instead reacting in ways that bring no benefit and sometimes, even more chaos. Fortunately, it's only hair. Mine grows fast.
I recently read on Zenhabits, a blog that I like, “When we are in the midst of chaos, let go of the need to control it. Be awash in it, experience it in that moment, try not to control the outcome but deal with the flow as it comes.” ~Leo Babuta. That makes sense to me.
I understand that control is mostly an illusion and that how we respond to challenges and obstacles in our days make all the difference in our outlook. This is something I know from years of experience. Yet now and then, in weak moments,I let go of letting go, instead reacting in ways that bring no benefit and sometimes, even more chaos. Fortunately, it's only hair. Mine grows fast.
I recently read on Zenhabits, a blog that I like, “When we are in the midst of chaos, let go of the need to control it. Be awash in it, experience it in that moment, try not to control the outcome but deal with the flow as it comes.” ~Leo Babuta. That makes sense to me.
